


Haz and Lou

by britot



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bottom Louis, Character Death, Coming of Age, Gay, Gay Male Character, Homophobia, M/M, Same-Sex Marriage, Top Harry, but im good a soft stuff, family troubles, god i love soft stuff, idk how to do tags??, im not that good a smut, lots of ziam, my bad - Freeform, niall comes out every now and then, not to much sex, oof, super gay, zaim - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-06-23 11:41:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 8,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15605505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/britot/pseuds/britot
Summary: Harry Styles wants to take you, chapter by chapter, through his life with Louis Tomlinson....."I'll take you to the ocean." I say softly, cupping his cheek. "I'll take you anywhere in the world."He smiles, soft, and holds my cheek. "We're just poor 20 -something year olds. We barely have money for Bagel Bites, Haz. I can wait a bit longer to see the ocean."I pull Lou close to me, right into my chest. "Cheesy ass.""Learned from the best." He mumbles into my chest."To bad I'm lactose so I gotta shit if you'll excuse me." I kiss his head and push away, him yelling at me for being gross as I run the bathroom.





	1. 1

Meeting the love of your life in a urinal is odd. But blessings come in odd packages. 

I met Louis my sisters 18th birthday party, he was invited and didn't want to come. 

"Half the people there hate each other, and the next day that talked the worst shit on each other." He told me when I asked why he was hiding in the bathroom. His nose crinkled up as he said all this, his eyes never really focused on anything but mine stayed right on his. "I just don't want to be apart of that bullshit."

One of the first things I noticed about Louis was he has the most foul mouth, like at first I was tempted to cover his mouth and explain to him proper English, it was that bad. 

We stayed in the gross the little bathroom for almost remainder of the party, locking the door so nobody came in and talked about the randomest of things from music to how odd breast implants are. Louis was loud and bold, he spoke animatedly. Every word he said he said with such importance, you hung on to everyone. 

Soon the clock struck 1 am and the party ended, Louis had to get home. Standing up and brushing himself up, he snatched my grey beanie off my head. My curls flew up, I jumped up with a laugh and reached for my hat. His eyes crinkled as he laughed with me, putting the hat on his head and holding it by his ears. He walked out the door, with my hat, and I stumbled up after him to say bye. He sent this smile that now, years after that day I know what it means. But back then as a curlier hair, virgin, 16 year old boy, I just thought it was friendly and sent him my biggest smile. 

After that I didn't hear from him, he moved back and a forth in my thoughts, his smile or his eyes. I wondered if he kept my hat, or thought about me when he pissed. 

Randomly at 12:30 am on a random Tuesday, a random blued eyed someone falls through my window and onto my floor. I screamed a very un-manly scream and threw a pillow at him hitting him square in the face.

He yelled out a loud, "Fuck!" and fell flat on his ass.

"Harry, you fuck, it's Louis. Ow." He said, flipping me off and rubbing his head.

"I hate your cussing."

....

Fast forward to us now down the road now, I'm dressed and in Louis's car, sitting next to a very pretty stranger. 

"So, what now?" I say, playing with my fingers.

"Now, sunshine, we go find something to do because I didn't think you'd come and my plan didn't get this far."

A snicker left my mouth as I laid my head back against my seat. "Food seems fabulous."

A smile came to his small lips and he put the car into reverse, taking me to where he wanted.


	2. 2

"You're big plan is Denny's?" I said loudly, looking up at the sign that is illuminating the car red in front of the parked car.

"I'm not paying for any of your shitty food with the attitude." Louis said quickly, crossing his arms over his chest and raising his eyebrows, his lips pinched together as if to hold in a smile. 

I let out a laugh, getting out of the car with his eyes watching me get to his side of the car. Opening his door and holding out my hand for him to grab. "If you're paying."

He sent me a heart melting smile and dragged me into Denny's, asking for a booth and got to the table.

"I could honestly spend this entire time telling you about how much I love Denny's. I won't because I'd feel fucking rude, but one day you'll get the entire speal."

I sent him a smile. "There's going to be more of these little times?"

He scoffed loudly. "Well of fucking course, Curly. I've been dying to see those little dimples again."

Heat quickly rose to my cheeks, making me duck my head down quickly. 

"Louis, my sweet baby! Oh my god I've missed seeing your face at this Denny's." A women called old, literally picking Louis up by the shoulders and pulling him to a tight hug that had a vein in his neck popping out.

The women seemed to be older, with frizzy curly brown hair and was short and chubby. For some reason a ginger bread man came to my mind right then, and I had to cough to cover my laugh, drawing attention to me.

"Who's this little cutie pie?" The women said, smiling happily.

"Tati, this is Harry. Harry, this is my ma's best friend, Tati."

I held a hand out to shake, giving her a small smile. "So nice to - Jesus."

She slapped my hand away quickly, making a bright red mark on my pale skin and pulled me into a hug, trapping my arms between us. I sent Louis a panicked look, which he just sent me a smile. 

"Okay Tati, let the boy go he looks terrified." 

She pulled away, giving my shoulder a quick -and brutal- slap. "He's adorable, Lou. I just wanna squeeze him."

A panic look came to my face, making me look to Louis with pleading eyes. "No more squeezing, I'm fragile, and bruise like a peach."

They both laughed, and a smile came to my face at Louis's breathless laugh, his lips spread across his teeth and his head tilted back. The hair that lays on his forehead shifted back, showing me his shaped eyebrows. 

"I'll let you two get back to whatever you we're talking about, pancakes good boys?" Tati asked, looking at us both.

Louis glanced at me, silently asking if that's okay before nodding.

When she walked away, Louis burst out laughing, making me jump a bit as his face turned red and he smacked the table.

A smile made it was to my face as his eyes that were filled with the ocean met mine, humor shined back at me through them. 

"You are the most entertaining person I've ever met." He said, with a chuckle. 

I smiled brightly at him, my dimples popping out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IS THIS GOOD IDK I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE MY FIRST FEW CHAPTERS ARE PROPER TRASH


	3. 3

After that night, me and Louis became inseparable. We even started having movie night every Saturday night, one night he picks snacks while I pick the movie, and next time we switch. 

It's 3 months after that night at Denny's, if I remember. Summer was coming up and the temperature was killing me slowly.

"Fuck, I hate heat." I complained loudly to Louis, sending him a pout. He let out a laugh, wrapping an arm around my neck and pulling me to him. He smelled like lemon, which meant he must have just been cleaning up the house for his mom, Jay. "Sorry, I'm just so damn hot."

I just glared up at him, pushing him away wiping away all my sweat. "I will kill you."

"Fuck you will, Haz."

A smile made it's was to my face at the nickname, looking at him. "Haz?"

He smiled brightly. "Yeah! Do you like? I have been thinking about it for a while, like what nickname to give you. Haz and Hazza are the ones that just kept coming to my mind, or maybe Rry? That sounds fucking stupid, no, what the fuck? Don't ever let me call you that."

My eyes quickly scanned over his face, study every inch of it. To his flopping hair down to his eyes, that were crinkled from the smile he had. His smile brought a smile to my face. 

"Yeah, Lou. It's perfect."

....

"Put that down before I slap you, Louis."

Louis sent me a pout before setting the fish down. We ran to Walmart to get my sister some pads and ice cream because I'm a awesome brother and Louis was touching EVERYTHING.

I watched him touch the cat bed and sighed. "Get in the cart, right now."

He looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "What?"

I crossed my arms, looking at the cart and back up at him. "You heard me."

He held his hands up quickly walking over to the cart and looking at me again. "Do I have to?"

"Yes."

He sighed quickly and tried to get into the cart, wobbling a bit but getting in, looking up at me. "Happy?"

I nodded, biting my lip from laughing at him. "Don't touch anything else or we're leaving, okay?"

He quickly mocked a salute at me, making me roll my eyes and continue grabbing things, tossing them into the cart and ignoring Louis's protests when he gets hit. 

When he wasn't looking at me, I looked at him again with a small smile. He looked adorable in the cart, he was in some sweats and a hoodie, which was mine and was swallowing him due to his small build and mine being quite broad. He also had his glasses on, which I told him I loved. 

At the checkout, the women glared at us, making me blush. "Lou, you can get out now."

He pouted. "But I actually like it here."

I glanced at the women who was still glaring at us as she checked us out, making me get flustered fast.

Louis notice my anxiety and looked to the women. He instantly tensed, looked back again to see me looking down and flustered. 

"Excuse me, ma'am?"

My eyes shot up widening at the look Louis had on his face.

"Do we have a problem here, is that the reason you keep glaring at us?"

She just glared harder and continued checking out. "I don't speak to your kind."

My heart plummeted at her words, tears coming to my eyes quickly. Louis knew about how I feel about my sexuality, confused and scared. He looked back at me with worry, and with seeing the tears in my eyes and the embarrassment on my face, he turned to her saying, " Go get your fucking manager, before I do something that I could really get in trouble, you fucking selfish cunt."

She gasped, "Are you speaking to me like that, you disgusting little shit?"

He let out laugh. "I don't see any other close minded bitch running her mouth."

I grabbed his shoulder, looking at her than back at him, pleading with my eyes. "Let's just go, please Lou."

He was about the protest, then sighed a nodded. 

It was thick with tension, my sniffling softly and Louis rubbing my arm. When we finally paid and left, we were sitting in the car and Louis was rubbing my back as I cried silently. 

"Hazza, you gotta calm down, okay? Don't cry over some bitch that needs some dick."

I small chuckle made its way pass my lips as I wiped my eyes to look at him. He has this cheesy smile on his face, making my shaking my head and lay my head on his shoulder, sighing as it started to rain.

"It's a shitty day, Lou."

"Why's that, Haz?"

I gave him a look. "Uh, I don't know, rude women and now it's pouring rain?"

He laughed softly, "What's so bad about rain?"

"It's sad and messy and is just depressing and ugly. Sunshine just shows light and is just more happy."

Louis shook his head slowly. "Just because rain isn't sunshine, doesn't mean it's not just as beautiful, but in different ways. You look at it on its own, not comparing it to something, yeah?"

I looked a Lou for a long second, then nodded, laying my head back on his shoulder. 

"Rain is beautiful, Hazza. Because after rain, comes a rainbow."

"Did you really just do a gay pun, right here, right now? In front of my salad?"

"Shut the fuck up and take my cute saying, bitch face."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is actually one of my least liked chapters I've written sigh but what are yah gonna do


	4. 4

Me and Louis were lounging on the coach in my living room, my feet on his lap as he held onto my toe, pulling it at random times. The Vampire Diaries played in front of us and I was scrolling through twitter. In other words, I was bored. 

"Louuu," I finally whined out, sitting up to throw myself on him. The top of my head leaned against his cheek, making his glasses lean up on the right and him roll his eyes. 

"Hazzz." He replied, keeping his eyes on the telly and reaching up with his left hand to pinch my cheek, making me giggle. 

"I'm bored and hungry."

"Well, doesn't that sound like a personal problem."

I sat up and poked his rib gently, making him squawk and lean away, pushing his glasses up and glare at me.

"Fine! There's that new place down a few blocks, will that make the princess happy?" He said, pulling his phone out of his front pocket to check it, putting it away again and rolling his head to face me. 

I glared at the name he keeps calling me, shoving him lightly and standing up to get the keys, tossing them to him.

"Let's get on it then, yeah?"

....

"Why would they make the logo a deer?" I asked, stepping out of the car. 

Louis rolled his eyes and started walking towards the restaurants, which I quickly followed. 

"Haz, I'm begging you. Just enjoy the fact the I'm fucking treating you to food."

"But like, 17Black? What?"

Louis sighed and slugged an arm around my shoulder, pulling me close. "I really hate you sometimes."

A laugh broke out of my lips as I glanced up at him. His eyes were on the building and a small, content smile was on his face as his finger traced circles on my arm. 

He looked like something out of a dream. 

Pushing those thought back as we were through the doors. It was a bar and grill, the bar on the far back wall, with tablet all around a booths along all the walls. It was lit dimly but warmly, with lights hung e 

"Lou, I'm only 16." I said, making Louis glance at me. 

"It's a bar and grill, H. You just can't go to the bar."

I nodded and followed behind Louis to the booth. I held onto the back of his t-shirt, walking close to him. The waiter came over soon, saying the specials and asking for our drinks.

"Water, please." I said, sending the waiter a smile.

He sent me a wink, making me turn red and Louis to clear his throat. 

"Make that two waters, buddy. Thanks, bye."

I looked up at Louis is some shock, mostly because I've listen to him go on the biggest rants about 'treating waiters and waitresses with respect because they have some of the toughest jobs' two days ago after watching Two Broke Girls. 

The waiter just sent him a smile, giving me one to and walked away. I turned to Louis quickly and glared at him, making him slouch. 

"That was rude, Lou. What was that about?" I said, still glaring. 

He glared back. "You're 16 Hazza, and he's like 19 or 20. He was totally flirting with you and that's just not okay. You're too young for that."

"And how would you know what I'm to young for? You don't even fully know his age, not even his name. Is it that bad that somebody finds interest on me? Do I not deserve that?"

His eyes softened at that last part I said, making me look away. 

"Harry, I didn't mean it like that, you should know by now that I always only look out for you."

I threw my hands up a little, sighing, "I didn't even say was interested or anything, I just fucking smiled, Louis."

He flinched at his full name, mostly because I rarely call him it. "I'm sorry, Haz."

I took a good look at him for a moment, I couldn't see his face because he was hunched over, fiddling with his fingers under the table. A small smile came to my face looking at him, making me tap his foot with mine. He looked up slowly, seeing my smile to make him smile. 

"He's not worth a fight over, Lou. Wasn't even that cute."

He let out a laugh, making me laugh. 

I don't want anybody else, nobody other this boy sitting in front of me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fetus Larry fucks me up god damn


	5. Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> okay okay so this is where is shows that he writing in journal please please keep that in mind and these do happened randomly throughout the story.

_"Dad?" My daughter, Raine, called from the front room making me look up from my writing._

_"Raine, honey? That you?" I called out._

_"Yeah dad, Lilly is with me."_

_"Grandpa, where are you? I'll come help you up." Lilly called out, her footsteps coming closer._

_"I'm fine dear, I can get up on my own." I called out, and I heard her laughter outside my door._

_She still came in, grabbing my hands and helping me up. We made our way out to the kitchen where Raine was making some dinner for us._

_"Honey, you don't have to continue coming over and helping me out like this. I'm doing a lot better."_

_She stopped cooking for a second, her small, deep toned hands clutching the wooden spoon hard. I saw her looking at the photo on the counter._

_A photo of me and a beautiful blue eyed boy._

_"Just let me do this for you, dad. If not for you let me do it for me."_

_I nodded silently, gazing sadly at my beautiful girl. "Of course baby, for you."_

_She continued cooking._


	6. 5

Watching Lou walk across the graduation stage was one of the proudest moments in my life, I think. Watching his stumble up the stairs and sending out the brightest smile afterwards made my heart sore to places I didn't think it could. Watching him grab that book from the principals hand made me start running to the spot where he would leave the stage, jumping onto him with legs and arms wrapped around him. 

"Whoa, Haz! You're gonna break me and I just became a graduated man!" He chuckled into my ear, his breath warm and minty. His right arm stayed tighty around my waist and his left one held diploma against my him. The arm stayed around me as I let my legs slid to the ground but kept him in my embrace. 

I pulled back a little with the biggest smile on my face, squinting my eyes up at him because the sun was behind him. He smiled back and moved his arm to around my shoulder, pulling me close and walking me to his car. 

"I need some Denny's and Tati." He said, opening my door for me. 

"I've miss that women."

"Everybody misses Tati, Hazza."

I sent out a laugh and we were off, Lou still in his robe. Leaving the high school parking lot I felt Lou's hand slide into mine, making me glance at him. His eyes never left the road as he squeezed my hand, making my body turn to fire and a smile to grace my face. 

....

"Oh, Harry baby! You have to come back here more! I've missed you curls and dimples you pretty boy." Tati said, squeezing my shoulders and making Lou roll his eyes. 

"Let the boy go, Tati. You're gonna kill him and I would miss him to much."

A blush danced across my face, making Lou glance at me from the corner of his eye and smirk. 

I was confused with Louis lately, He'd been very flirty with me, and I don't know how to take it. I've come to terms with the fact that I like him - just a little crush, nothing to colossal. But, I can't help but feel such a strong tug to him, to just be near him and hear him do the littlest of things. I just want to hear him talk about anything, to literally breath. 

Okay, maybe it's more than a little crush. 

"Haz, come on we're heading out now." Lou, called out. 

Tati grabbed his shoulder, pulling him closer and whispering into his ear. A little smile came onto his face as she spoke his eye drifting up to mine. I sent him a small smile. 

He grabbed my hand softly, nodding his head to the door. "I've got something to show you, Hazza."

Lou brought me back to the car and started driving, his hand still in mine. 

"Listen Harry," he started, keeping his eyes on the road. "You've become my best friend in the past 7ish months, you know that right?"

"Yeah, Lou." 

"Good, and I would hope that you feel the same with that."

"I do."

He nodded softly, squeezing my hand and pulling into a park. Getting out, he pulled me into his side and we started walking along the trail.The sun was setting and the sky had turned into a purple, colour blooming from above the trees. I glanced over at Louis, who looked like he was in pain, like 'I'm going to shit myself pain'.

Lou quickly stopped and looked at me, grabbing my face and squishing it a little. 

"I need you to listen for a bit okay?" He said, looking between both my eyes.

"Yesh." I said, sounding weird from Louis squishing my face. 

He smiled a little, taking a deep breathe and looking at everything but me, which still gets on my nerves. 

"I like you, Curly. I like you a lot. And this is really hard for me because I would have never thought in a thousand years I would ever like a guy, but I'm so glad my heart is choosing you. You, and your laughter and dimples and your horrid jokes and your fucking perfect everything, Harry. God, you're so damn perfect, that is blows my mind. And I just want to be yours, and I want you to be mine. I want everything from this. You know I'm not one to wait, I don't think. I just go and hope for the best. But I don't want to just jump and go with you, I want to take every step with you, right by my side."

He took a deep breathe, still looking at me who was look back at him with huge eyes. 

"Say something?" He said, his eyes pleading.

"I - uh - I like you too, Lou. I have for a while." I finally got out. 

I watched as a breathtaking smile spread across his face, making one come to mine. He embraced me tightly, laughing loudly. 

"Oh fuck yes!" He shouted to the sky. He turned back to me and grabbed my hands, pulling me close. 

"Let me take you on a date, Hazza." He whispered, moving one of my curls to the side.

"Fuck yes, Louis." I whispered back, making his smile widen and laughter escape his lips.


	7. 6

The first date was a pure disaster. It started out great, but just sunk. 

First he did everything like a normal date would do. Pulled up to the house, knocked on the door and all the other boring stuff. We started making our way to the restaurant, which was fancy and moody. But they didn't have a reservation under Tomlinson, causing Lou to start to fidget.

"You must be mistaken, I called in this reservation 2 weeks ago. Please, check again." He said, me leaning a cheek against his shoulder.

The hostess quickly checked again, shaking her head. "I'm sorry, but no reservation means you must leave now." She said.

Louis threw his hands up in frustration, but he hit the tray the waiter was holding and sent the champagne flying into my chest, ruining my white button up.

"Oh for fucks sake!" He yelled, making me widen my eyes at him and shake my head.

"There's children here, Lou! You can yell that!" I scold quickly, shaking my head.

The security were instantly there, grabbing Lou by his arms and leading him out, him looking back at me in a panicked, sad way. 

"Hazza, meet me at the car - " was all I heard then the door was closed and Lou was left outside. The manager came and apologized, me shaking my head and saying he had nothing to apologize for, was all on my and Lou. He still grabbed me a extra white t-shirt from the cooks area, and sent me on my way. 

Walking outside, I saw Louis leaning against the building with his face in his hands. He looked up when I came out, defeat leaking from his watery eyes. Going over to his huddled up body, I squatted in front of him, cupping his hands that were very small in mine.

Looking into his eyes while blowing hot air onto his freezing hands I asked,"What's got you crying, Lou?"

A small hiccup left his mouth. His eyes stayed focused on the ground as he started talking.

"I ruined it all - " 

"Look at me, Lou. You're speaking to me, not the ground." I cut him off, my voice hard but caring. 

He flinched slightly at my tone, but met my eyes nonetheless. 

"I-I ruined this; this date, the relationship, this us. It's God yelling at us for being gay, for me saying he's stupid so he's taking you away. I need holy water, Har - Harry why are you laughing at me?"

Chuckled continued leaving my lips as I kissed the back of his hand and pulled him up so we're standing again. Grabbing his chin so he's forced to meet my eyes, to see I mean every word about to leave my mouth, I told him, "Lou, baby, there's nothing wrong with us. We are doing something beautiful, something everybody gets to and should experience - a crush, a date. We aren't doing anything wrong. You haven't done anything wrong, for the record. Yeah, the date sunk like the titanic -" a whimper escaped his lips and he planted his heading against my chest. "- but I'm not mad about that. Do you know how good of a story thing will make?"

He kept his head on my chest, his arms gripping the side of my new white t-shirt and still sniffling.

"I just - I've wanted this for so long, Hazza. So long. And I'm not even ashamed of how many dreams I've had the circle around you. You're my best friend, you're my rock, you're my world. And I need you, I need you more than anything I've ever thought I needed. God, Harry. I don't know where this is going to go, but I want to be there when it ends. I want to be there, with you by my side when life decides it should end." He said.

I looked at him with wide eyes, my 16-year-old mind processing what he said. I never thought I would be seeing the day when Louis Tomlinson, my best friend of almost a year now, that I met in the bathroom at my sister's birthday party, that now is telling me how much he wants to me with me. 

That, from that moment on, he held my fragile young heart in his hands. 

"What are - what are you saying then, Lou?"

He took a deep breath, still clutching me. "Please, for the love of everything on this Earth, be my boyfriend."

He looked straight into my eyes, clear ocean blue mixing with late spring green in front of some stupid restaurant that I still can't remember the name of and I fell in love that day with that boy. My stupid, barely understanding their sexuality teen self was just screaming loudly inside at the thought of his first real relationship, but I fell in love with those eyes. 

"Yes." I breathed out, smashing him to my chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story is doing a lot better on here then it's ever done on wattpad so like fuck wattpad besides 3 stories on there that drag my ass every time .   
> also, so i know the writing styles kind of change throughout this story and that because the first chapter i wrote when i was 13 and lol im not 13 anymore and my writing has changed and improved . im always going back and forth through the chapters, changing and moving this to make is more well written .


	8. 7

Louis's mom thought Lou was as straight as they come. 

Jay was the sweetest women ever, she knew I was a "little gay" and she was fine with it, she never had anything bad to say about gays or anything. She just went to work and came home to a house full of children who adore the very ground she walked on. 

Plus, she loved to bake and I loved to bake - so let's just say Lou ate a lot of cookies.

Walking into the house to smell cookies, I ran up the stairs to Louis's room. 

"Hey babe, I was -" I started to say till the scene in front of me came to my mind; Lou's room was empty. Stepping further in the room, my hand came up to cover my mouth as I looked at how violent it looked in there.

The posters he had hung up all over the room hadn't been unpinned from the walls but ripped, some boxers and t-shirts were on the floor, draws not fully closed. His bed was stripped, closet empty. 

In a panic I ran down stairs, sliding and catching myself at the bottom. to go the kitchen to see Jay at the sink, looking out the window. 

"Jay, what's going on? Wheres Lou and all his stuff? Is he okay?" 

"You're dating." She stated flatly. 

I stared at her in shock, left speechless. She looked worn, she looked mad as she turned to me. 

"Your disgusting lifestyle changed my little boy ," she started, a shaky hand pointed at me," and now I can't look my own son in the face. I can deal with you, because you're not half of me. But look what you've done - LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE YOU SINISTER MONSTER!" A sob left her body as she covered her mouth with her hand, her entire body shaking with her sobs. 

I looked at the women I thought of as my second mother, who I loved and still do love very much with tears streaming down my 17 year old face, not comprehending at this point in time how she could think these troubling things. But as I grew older I realized she was scared, because this was something she could never fully understand about her son, and this terrified her. 

Straightening my shoulders, I kept eye contact as I wiped my face with my sleeve and cleared my throat. Quietly but firmly I asked where Louis was, she told me to go to hell. I told her that if she can't love and take care of her son let somebody who can, like my mother, do that. She told me he was sitting at the bus stop up the road. Racing out the door without a single thought back - I can still hear the door hitting the wall with how quickly I raced out of the house - to Jay I went to the bus stop, where Lou was with his green suit case, shoulders slouched and face puffy. 

Taking a seat next to him, I starting checking all over him. I held out his arms and pulled his shirt up, seeing no marks. I grabbed his chin and looked all over his face, pushing his hair back and then, when I was happy to see now marks on him, let out a cry.

"Oh, Lou." I said, pulling him close to me.

"She found the note you gave me, about a month ago, I think. The one that talked about my little hands and big heart. She found it last time I was over for the day, and got everything out besides the suitcase which has a some clothes and everything of us. She told me she need time, till then as far as she knows she has no son, and to not come back because that is no longer my home."

While Louis sat there comply blank, tears were pouring down my face and my body shook with sobs. He slowly reached over and gripped my hand, squeezing it. 

"I'm glad this happened."

"Why? This is heartbreaking, Lou."

"You're right, Curly. But I would rather not have somebody in my life that is like that. I deserve good things, we deserve good things. This can be a good thing if we let it be, okay baby? Can you let this be a good thing?"

I looked into his blue eyes, the eyes that always find mine in a crowded room, that held so much sorrow right now my heart burned. But I could see the hope still there, burning bright. So I nodded for him, pulling him to me and holding him tight, hoping to keep the bad things away from this boy who owns my heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ehhh sometimes i feel so iffy with this story but i have like 37 chapters already written like hell im stopping ,


	9. 8

Because Gemma, my sister, had moved out for college out of state my mother said that Louis is welcome to stay as long as he needs in her room. Lou was stood in the doorway, take in the floral print wallpaper, and looked back at me. 

"Can I put like two posters to win back my masculinity, please?" He said. 

I let out a chuckled and walked over to him, him leaning into me. I dipped my head down a kissed the shell of his ear. 

"What masculinity, babe?" I whispered, making him gasps and push me away but he held onto my sweater so I got pulled back into him. I felt his teeth skim along my jaw and my right hand reached down, grabbing his ass. He giggled, head moving so his nose bumped mine. 

"I'm not giving you head on my sister bed, just an fyi." I murmured, Louis throwing his head back with a bellowing laugh. 

"Arsehole!" He laughed, "I would never even think about that." He slipped out of my arms and grabbed his suitcase going into the room and setting it on the full sized bed. I followed behind, still chuckling.

"You're a beautiful boy-" "Nooo." He cut me off with a whine. I raised an eyebrow.

"Handsome." He said, crossing his arms across his chest. 

"Beautiful." I challenged. 

"Rugged."

"Breathtaking."

"Dapper."

"Pretty."

With that word a blush rose to Lou's cheeks, making me smile. "You like being called pretty?"

"No!" He defended weakly, still blushing.

I walked closer to him, bringing him into my arms so that our forehead are together. He looked up at me to see me close my eyes, swaying us slowly. 

"What are you doing, Haz?" He questioned in a whisper. 

I shrugged slowly, keeping my eyes closed. "Just holding you, Lou. Just holding my boyfriend."

I felt his hand slide up and cup my cheek, making me lean into it. His thumb started to softly rub my cheek. 

"You've started to get quite a few zits, Hazza. Have you been you that scrub I got you?"

Scrunching up my face, I pulled away and rubbed on of the zits. I mumbled,"Yes, I have. Dick." And started walking to the door. "Unpack, you tiny Nuisance."

"Wait, you're not going to help me?" He said, pouting.

"Not my job."

"But I'm tiny! I Could drop something on my feets!"

I turned to look at him, making him slump. "Not working?"

"Not at all, go back to being a arsehole. You're good at that."

"Hey!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had the worst writer's block writing this oH MY GOD


	10. 9

"You just let her flirt with you, Louis!" I cried out at him, shaking a little as he rubbed his forehead in frustration. He was holding the car door open for me outside of 17Black, waiting for me to get in. 

But I had other plans.

"Hazza, she wasn't." He replied with a scoff.

"Of course you would say that."

Lou sighed loudly, "Even if she was - which she wasn't - why does it even matter? You're the only person I ever care about to flirt with me so why does it even matter, Harry? Please just get in the car so we can go home."

With tears in my eyes and my arms crossed, I turned around and started walking towards the road. 

"What the fuck are you doing?" Louis called out.

I whipped around and screamed - kinda sobbed,"Don't you dare fucking cuss at me, Louis! Fuck you! I'll walk home!" 

And walk home I did. 

Tears were going down my cheeks in rivers and I was freezing, it was December. But the thing was that Louis drove on the side of the road, at the same speed of me, the entire way home.

When I finally walked into the door, freezing and with flushed cheeks, Lou was standing in the living room. 

"W-what, Lou?" I said.

He slowly pulled out my favorite blanket from behind his back, offering it to me.

"You're gonna get sick, Hazza Baby."

And I fell apart. Sobs racked my body as he rushed to me, wrapping the blanket around me then his arms. He held me close as I sobbed and called him names, telling him he's stupid to be caring for me right now and should be making me kiss his ass.

He finally pulled my puffy face from his neck, holding it in his hands and wiped away my tears.

"Let's get you to bed, yeah?"

"No!" I said, shaking my head and trying to pull away. "I was such a bitch Lou! You should be mad!"

He shook his head slowly, smiling."I'm not mad."

"Well, start."

"You were jealous, Harry. And had every right to be, she was completely flirty with me. But, Haz, the reason it didn't even register in my head to even acknowledge attempts was because I had the most handsome man right in front of me, as my date. I don't need no bitch, the fuck."

He sent me a small smile, and I burst out in sobs again. 

"Fuck man I'm such a bitch." I sobbed, tangling my hands in the short hairs by the back of his neck. 

He shook his head slowly, letting out a laugh. "You're not a bitch, babe."

"Yes, I totally am. No contest, denied entry."

He slowly stroked my cheek, biting his lip with a small smile. "Harry, you care about me. That's what this shows. But this also shows that," he took a deep breath. "there's some trust issues here, babe. That's we need to discuss and overcome to make it, yeah?"

I quickly tried to tell him there's not trust issues at all, but he shook his head. 

"We'll talk more about more about this later, you need to sleep and get warm." He rubbed my arm and kissed my cheek. 

"Lou?" I said to his back, pulling him back by his hand to face me.

"Hmm?"

"I - I love you, like a lot. Like this -" I spread my arms super wide, "much. You make my day just by breathing. So please keep breathing. Because I love you, a lot."

He looked at me for a moment, making me shuffle on my feet. 

"I knew I loved to the moment you refused to say titties as a 16 year old, and my love has only grown since then."

"That's gay."

"Yes, well, we are a gay couple so I would hope confessing our love is a little gay."

"It also took us almost a year to say it."

"Actions speak louder than words, babe."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hello shes back yall im gonna try to update every other Wednesday ? yeah i like that okay so heres this chapter enjoy her okay byebye


	11. 10

Turning 18 was the best night of my life. I'll never forget that night, hit me in the head a thousand times that shit is staying. 

My mom, Gemma, and Louis planned it, trying to make it as 'me' as possible. It really shouldn't have been that hard, I'm a simple dude. But, apparently, Lou was going a little crazy.

"No! No, no, no, no, no! You Bloody fucking idiot! I'm going to wring your neck!" I heard Lou shout from the living room, making me quickly leave my bedroom in hopes to stop him from becoming a murder.

"Bro!" Zayn, my only friend from high school yelled, throwing some tape at him. "It was a fuckin' inch off! Chill!"

"I'm so fucking chill, Zack! You don't even know what chill is! Now come here so I can kill you, Bastard!"

"Whoa! Whoa, whoa, wow. Hey-o, Love, why don't you stop, yeah? And come with me and let Zayn - not Zack, for the 100th time - live his life." I said, placing my hands in his chest, pushing him away from Zayn who was now cracking his neck. 

"He's messing shit up!" Louis cried out, gripping my wrist.

"A. Fucking. Inch." Zayn growled out. 

Little backstory on Zayn, he's the son of this biggest gang in our small town. He's covered in tattoos, is one hot motherfucker, and scares the shit out of Louis. 

Not that Louis will ever, in a million years, show it. So, let's say Zayn and Lou get into a fight, Lou is going to sit there and try to fight Zayn with shit in his drawers before he says no. 

"Whoop, looks like that potty mouth words mean it's time for me to go with Lou into the kitchen. Z, keep doing what you're doing because I'm sure it'll will look fine." I said, dragging Louis into the kitchen.

"No! I have to stay here! I - H!" He yelled out as I picked him up, throwing him over my shoulder and walking to the kitchen, fist bumping Zayn on the way.

I set Lou down on the stool, crossing my arms across my chest as I looked down at him. 

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Nothing, Haz." Louis mumbled, scuffing his foot on the ground with his light blue eyes following the movement. 

"Not the correct answer."

He sighed loudly, putting his face in his hands. 

"Lou." I said softly, bringing my hand to brugh his quiff. "Talk to me."

"My mom is coming to this party. I didn't invite her or anything. Hell, I didn't tell her it was happening. But she fucking found out and wants to come, and I can't help but want her too. I'm sorry, Haz. That's so damn selfish of me to take your party for your 18th fucking birthday and turn it into something for myself."

I shook my head quickly, trying to bring him close to me but he walked away, leaving me to stand on the opposite side of the bar. 

"But I miss my mommy, Harry. So damn much." He whispered.

My heart broke a little bit for my Lou. He lost a lot, and I knew this was hard on him.

"Lou, if you want her here then I want her here. Me and you, babe? We are a team and we have to work and do things together. But I'm gonna tell you this right now, she even hurts a single feeling in your little body, I'll fuck some shit up."

He laughed a little at the last part, wiping his watery eyes and walking over to me. 

"I don't think I could ever get more lucky." He said, slowly letting my wrap my arms around him. 

"You really can't, I am the best of the best, the Harry Styles." I joked. 

He slapped my chest, making me laugh loudly and him shake his head.

"Now, go work with Z, and be nice about it."

"Yeah, yeah." He grumbled, waving a hand behind his head.

A soft smile came to me, watching my boy.

...

It's 8 o'clock, the party is in full swing, Lou hasn't left my side and all our friends have come, plus some.

Music was playing, people where dancing and drinking. It was crazy and not like I expected my mom to plan, but whatever.

"Haz?" I heard Louis say in my ear, hand on my chest.

"Hmm?"

"She texted me, she's out front." He started tugging at the bottom on my shirt, looking over my shoulder. He started doing this around a year ago when he gets anxious. I quickly pulled his face back to looking at me, kissing his forehead.

"Let's go." I said, grabbing his hand.

"Wait, Hazza, your party. I don't want to pull you away from it." He claimed, pulling at my arm to get me to stop walking.

I shook my head and pull him close, kissing him softly. He responds immediately, gripping the sides on my shirt with shaky hands.

"Come on now, small boy, we have someone to meet."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO FRIENDS   
> I'm splitting this memory into two different chapters because it is quite lengthy and I never wanted my chapters to be super drawn out and long.   
> So till chapter, thanks for reading and I hope I'm fucking with our emotions enough, feedback is lit help a girl out yo   
> ily


	12. Now

_Gasping as I woke up, a choked cry left my mouth as I reached out for the blue eyed boy in my dreams._ _But I grabbed nothing, because nothing was there nor will something be there ever again._

_Cradling the pillow that's been on my bed since that day, I sobbed loudly. Wishing with all my might and all my faith that is left that God gives me back my beautiful, breathtaking boy. But like always, he does no such thing._

_Sighing and wiping my cheeks, me and the pillow made_   _our way to the kitchen for some tea. The clock said_ _ **4:47 AM**_ _, making me sigh and rub my watery eyes._

_"Fuck this, fuck you, fuck me, fuck life..." I muttered tiredly, putting the tea kettle on the stove and sitting on the stool at the counter, pillow in my lap._

_The picture of me and him stared at me from the counter, the one from my 18th birthday party. My eyes welled up again and I flipped it face down, letting out a deep breath as a few tears left. It hurts to see him._

_The kettle started screaming at me, making me stand up and set it aside to grab a mug. Putting the tea bag with the hot water and sitting back down, and just stared at the swirling water for a little bit, remembering early tea runs with a short boy. I slowly looked up to the flipped over photo, grabbing it. I slowly look at it, smiling at the boy, the only man I've loved._

_"God, I miss you, baby." I whispered sadly. A sob escaped me as I cover my mouth._

_"Why'd you have to leave me, leave our family? Please, come back."_

_But he won't._


	13. 11

First thing I noticed was that she got bangs, and it was not suiting Jay.

"Please tell that is a wig and she didn't get straight across bangs." Louis muttered, gripping my hand between us. 

A chuckle fell from my lips as I looked back at her, narrowing my eyes a bit. Jay had her hands clasped in front of her, with her lip in her mouth the same why Lou does, making me smile a bit. 

"Hi, boys." She said, meeting both our eyes for a second to look down. "Happy birthday, Harry. My, have you grown into a good looking man, so tall." She let out a small chuckle, making me as well.

"You look well, Jay." I said evenly, rubbing circles on Lou's shaking hand.

Slowly, Jay looked to Louis, meeting his unwavering gaze. "Hi, Lou."

He swallowing thickly. "Hello, Jay."

She sagged at little at the name, but continued. "I hope you're well?"

Lou nodded, running at hand through his hair slowly, tugging a bit when his gets suck on a knot. "More than well, honestly."

She nodded, looking down again. "I - uh - I came to apologize. To the both of you." 

We nodded slowly, me sending her a quick smile while Lou just kept a blank face.

"What I've done to you boys, what I've said, is disgusting and there is no excuse for it. And - and I can't ever ask you boys to let me back into your lives fully, I sure as hell wouldn't, but I will still ask if we can try, because after you left Lou, my happiness left as well. You are such a shining light and you are my son, no matter what you are. I love you, and I love you, Harry, because my son has never looked so happy, so full of life. You are good for him - the best for him! And, I want you both in my life again, if you would choose to be." She finished, taking a deep breath and whipping her hands on her pants.

I looked down to Louis, who had some tears in his eyes, one hand still tangled with mine while the other had grown to grip my lower arm. His blunt nails were digging in, most likely to leave moon shaped marks.

"I - I - uh, I can't - I don't." He stuttered out, looking around and then up at me franticly. "I don't know what to do."

I nodded, my hand moving to the back of his neck to squeeze, hesitantly looking up to see Jay looking pained at her sons panic. 

"He'll have to get some time, Jay. Thank you for reaching out and trying." I said, matching her small smile bloom.

"Thank you, Harry. I'll head out now, have a good night." She slowly turned away, eyes on Louis till she was completely turned away.

"That opened up that scar." I heard Lou say, making me glance down at him. His eyes were trained on Jay's car as she pulled away. 

I pulled his head towards my shoulder to kiss the his hairline. His hands wrapped around my waist, gripping my sides.

"I love you, Lou. And I'll be right here for you, supporting all choices you make -" 

"No." He cut me off, shaking his head. He stepped so he was in front of me, grabbing both my hands and kissing them. "This decision is for the both of us, because it affects the both of us. If there is something you don't like you will talk to me about it. That's how we work, Haz. With talking through each problem. That isn't changing with this problem so shut the fuck up and help me through this shit." 

I pulled his hands up to my cheek, leaning against them. My cheeks smushed up to making me see with a squint. "God, I'm so fucking you tonight, Lou."

He just smiled, biting his lip a little. "I have been thinking about it since you walked downstairs with that new hair style. Push it back more often, Haz."

I laughed loudly giving him a quick kiss. "I love you."


	14. 12

When about 2 months has passed since my 18th birthday, Louis had discussed things with his mom, forming a rocky relationship. But she has put this idea into his head that makes me insanely nervous.

Moving out. 

Now she says to move on his own, but he apparently has already shot that down saying that is he's moving out, it's with me. But I wasn't ready to move out, I was barely 18 and had just graduated - God I was still a child. Moving into my own place, without my mom? Jesus. 

But Louis, he was 20, he was ready to move out and start his own. 

"Imagine it Hazza, our own home with our own shit. We make the rules and can ground our parents." He rambled happily, making me smile and pinch his cheek.

"Lou, that's not how that works." I said, going back to my book and Lou huffed a bit. He stuck his body in between me and my book, making me roll my eyes and set it down. I cupped the side of his face, rubbing my thumb over his high cheekbones as he hummed and closed his eyes. 

"Why do you want this so badly?" I question quietly, my eyebrows pulled down.

"I want what's I think is best for us, Haz. You always have a say in it but God, Haz I feel it in my gut. We will thrive of this big step." He responded, his light yes looking into mine I almost cracked. 

"We haven't even looked at anything -"

"But we will!" 

"- and our jobs - "

"Are stable enough for a small apartment. Hazza, baby, stop this. What's holding you back right now?"

His hand slide through my hair slowly, twirling some curls around his tiny fingers.

"I'm scared of this big step, Lou. Yes, you're 20 and I get it that you're ready for this but I'm just barely 18, I'm still a child it feels like. I'm just scared." 

Lou slowly slide so he was completely in my lap, hands on my waist. He pressed his forehead against mine.

"How much do you trust me?" He asked quietly.

"100%, with my life." I said firmly, making him smile.

"Trust me with this then, Harry."

Sighing slowly, and brought a hand up to pinch my bottom lip between my fingers. Lou glared at the action, pulling it out making my chuckle as he kissed me a bunch of times. 

"Let's just look at some houses, okay?" I said, not even finishing before Louis was up and jumping around.

"Fuckyesfuckyesfuckyesfuckyes."

"Don't get super excited here babe, because I'm moving not more than 20 minutes from my mom." I said, pointing at him while raising my eyebrows. 

He scoffed at little, climbing back onto my lap. " Mommas boy." 

"You love it." 

He kissed me slowly, making me smile into it. 

"I love everything little thing about you, Haz."

**Author's Note:**

> yall should follow my shit <3  
> @harrysleftbrow on twitter   
> ily


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